Habits of Communication...

How often do we say things and assume that whom we are speaking to heard what we said. -OR- How often do we say things and assume we said what we thought we said in a way that it could be understood by whom we were speaking to?

Herein is the greatest communication paradox that has faced mankind. Just ask Neil Armstrong.

I have been doing a lot of listening lately... to everyone. I have been noticing that what I thought I heard, what I thought I said, what has been said back to me, what others thought they heard, or what they thought they said, that there have been several times where I or others have said "Oh, I thought you said..." or "That's not what I said..." etc.

I have been as guilty as anyone when it comes to listening, all the while formulating my response before I have heard all that was being said to me. I have also been guilty of prejudging the context or the delivery of what was being said to me.

I have also, in my attempts to be a more attentive listener, found that others do have been guilty of these bad communication habits as well. I then find myself trying to be more specific and setting up topics with pre-definitions of what I would be saying. It is at times like that when I feel I am Kevin Bacon in the movie "He Said, She Said". (A great film by the way.) I guess I am not surprised at the listening skills of most people. I used to, and still do, get so angry with my father at times because he will say something to me and several weeks later tell me that he didn't; or tell me the same thing again. He and I used to bump heads quite often in this regard. I learned to be more patient with him, and try to say something that will be memorable about what we were talking about. That way I can later remind him if he denies having previously had the conversation once before. Herein is a pattern that is best not establish as to habits of communication.


I am finding that many peoples communication skills are the main source to problems they have with co-workers, employees, employers, friends, family, and especially with spouses. Misperceptions, miscommunications, misinterpretations, etc.

I am finding, for me, to be a good communicator, I must first be an excellent listener. I think I have been better in that department.... my wife will be the litmus test I'm sure. We have certainly had our share of communication conundrums. Lately, writing has been the best tool I have found to more accurately find what I have to say. It helps me get thru the jumbled thoughts by displaying them in front of me. Then, if I want to rearrange them, I can.