Finding a Raft of Joy in a Sea of Sadness...

Life is filled with events that move us to feel an emotion about the event we experience. Life seems to bring these emotions like the ocean brings in the tide; like clockwork and sometimes the tide brings in warm waters, or waters filled with jellyfish and or sharks.

The Ocean... a living metaphore for life. Yet, the ocean is filled with it's own kind of life. Life that can be beautifully colorful, elegant, smoothly flowing and breathtaking. As beautiful and sensational as the ocean is, it's filled with negativity and anger... and hate... and sadness.

We all live in the same ocean, yet we pass like two cruiseliners in the night between destinations. Occassionally we see dolphins, and we think we have experienced something etherial or religious. We also see rough seas, uncontrollable wakes in our destiny.

Today. I see sadness. It seems as tangible as water... and just like water it covers you, yet you cannot grip it to strangle it's hold. Sadness rolls in like waves, moving the sand under your feet and causing you to loose your foothold. If the sun is out, we walk along beaches of sadness and call it vacation. If the wind brings in rains and bashing waves, we call the same beach unsafe.

I don't know why I am sad today, but I am. I am swimming with no land in sight, yet I can stand in the beautiful water... only to cut my feet on the corral underneath. If I'm not careful, the blood running from my stinging feet will draw sharks to the scent of my blood. Today I am desperately seeking a raft to dry from the sea of sadness, and to bring joy that my feet my can rest from the razors of the corral.

I only hope that the blistering sun does cause me to dehydrate, or my lips to crack from the sadness that seeped into them and caused me to gag on it's saltiness.

I hope for a raft. I will be so happy when I find one.

Pay it Forward!

I was beginning to write a serious blog on something I have been frustrated about and In the background, my six year old son has been making jokes as he has been playing chess with the neighbor boy. I couldn't help but erase what I had written and start over in a more jovial manner.

I am sitting hear enjoying the conversation these two six year old boys are having. Especially over a game of chess. They are both extremely intelligent and at times it's hard to think they are only six. They are like two men sitting there at times... then one will fart and the two of them will bust out giggling.... "stinky, underwear, fart head" one says then both turn beat red in the face as they giggle till they fall off there stools... then they compose themselves and argue over whose turn it is next.

It has made me look at how we treat children. If we treat them like people with their own feelings, emotions, wants and desires as well as give them a home full of joy, and help them cultivate their own ideas and spend time with them doing what they enjoy everyday, they blossom into people before our eyes and are able to make intelligent, thought out decisions

On the other hand, if we treat them like they are in our way, they frustrate us, we can't be bothered with their great invention they just made, communicate with them only when they do something they are not suppose to be doing or yelling at them all the time... we foster kids that can't, don't want to, or are unable to make emotionally sound decisions without letting their frustration get in the way because they never feel good enough.

I use to own a retail over the counter business and it would kill me to see parents treat their kids the way did sometimes. they treated them like a burden rather than an individual. At times, and I knew it would cost me their business, I couldn't stay silent with how they were treating their children. One time a mother trying to manage three little toddlers, reached over and smacked one of the tiny people in the face. I was shocked! I didn't even think about what happened next, it just happened. I looked at her like she was the child and said to her, "that was totally uncalled for and you were wrong to do that!" I looked over to the young 3 year old and kneeled down and said "Are you ok?" He was crying, not sure what to do, and shaking his head no. The 'mother' said,"he's fine" in a snippy way and reached for his hand. I stood up and said, "You mean he is no longer in physical pain. If you keep treating him that way, he will never be fine. That is child abuse to hit a toddler in the face! If I ever see you treat a child that way again, I will report you to DCFS!" She grabbed her things and mumbled something like you can't judge me as she walked out the door. I can still see that little 3 year old and his blue eyes looking back at me as she escorted them out of the building. To this day, I still offer up prayers for that, now, young man.

I came from a less than stable home life, and yes, I guess I turned out ok. I believe I did because someone out there was praying for me, much as I pray for that young boy from time to time. I wasn't sure what my calling in life was until I took a volunteer position teaching P.E. to kindergarten thru 4th graders. Then I knew it was my duty to pay it forward. for themselves.

Valentine's Day... Yes I'm a Lover & a Fighter

Don't believe me? I'll dot your eyes and then apologize for it!

...alright, Happy Valentines Day... or whatever.

Some men are just lovers. They don't know how to fight for true love.

Some me are fighters. They don't know how to truly love the one they're with.

Some men, like me, are lovers and fighters:
We fight for true love and respectfully love the ones we are with.

I used to believe in "True Love". You know, you meet someone and BAM! True Love. Well... There may be instant attraction, but as far as instant love? Not!

True Love is the by-product of years and years of making Love work. True Love is like grandchildren. It has to be nurtured, raised, and released to be on it's own. If you did it right, it will render a fruit that will come back to you.

So, to those who contribute to True Love, this day is for you. To all you other Asshxxes, take a cheesegrater to yourself and thank me for the suggestion!

Cheers!

Allowing yourself to be Vulnerable.... Easy? NO!

Tough question.... perhaps a bit tougher for men to do, then to answer. To be vulnerable, may at first glimpse, seem to make a man appear feminine. It may even make a man appear to be anything, except a man. To most men, the definition of being 'Man', is being the boss, the king of the household, THE decision maker, 'the buck stops here' guy, or the ' I bagged so-and-so ' last week asshole. Men, for the most part, will say they don't give into peer pressure. I, am one of those who really doesn't. Ask anyone who knows me. Some call me stubborn, tenacious, the 'have to have it his way' guy, etc. In reality, if a man buys into the definition of a man that is listed above, then he is simply a subject of peer pressure, and... ignorant.

I know what some of are thinking right now. The guy writing this is gay. He must be..., because c'mon... what man talks about being vulnerable and DOESN'T agree with the definition of what a man is above? If he isn't gay, then he is just saying it to get the chicks to think he is a sensitive guy... ...whatever... get over yourselves men and take a long hard (no not reference to your male anatomy) look at yourselves.

Sorry, I am not gay and that is not the point. As many times as men have hit on me, one might think I was. The reality, is that I am a heterosexual male, with no homosexual preference. The real point here (again no reference to the male anatomy) is that to build a real relationship in your marriage, with God, or to be a true friend to someone, means that men need to open themselves up more. The single most important, and quite frankly the most difficult, thing to do for a man with his wife, is to be Vulnerable.

So... why is that you ask?

First, let us look at the definition of 'Vulnerable':
definition: capable of receiving injuries

Are you serious Clark? Yes I am Lois.

The first thing men want to do when around other men, or women, is to beat our chests and show that we are in fact invulnerable. It is a sign of strength and of manliness. Right?

Certainly it is wise not to be vulnerable as a motto at all times. It is even more wise, to know when to be vulnerable. When to take off the armor and expose yourself. It is one of the most intimate things a man can do with a woman, and will strengthen the bonds of friendship with a true friend.

A man who can be vulnerable with his wife will show her compassion, enable her to be virtuous, share himself in ways he cannot share himself with anyone else. Yes, it is true that by doing so, a man will be exposing himself (no nudity yet men) and showing his weaknesses, strengths, smiles, and, yes, tears. He will be doing the very thing, that as a man, he has been trained his entire life not to do or to be, and that is... being sensitive. The world has men trained to believe that if you are sensitive, and male, then by conclusion, you must be gay. I am not saying that all gay men are sensitive and I am not making this about the homosexual or lesbian community. I am talking about a man being true to himself and to his wife. To his family, if he has one.

Now. I am a christian, not ashamed of it, and not stating anything about it beyond that it is my faith. So, yes, it does influence me and who I am. In fact, it is because of my faith, that I am who I am. A man who is in battle and has been wounded, either through his armor, under it, or in an unarmored location, does not typically then expose himself in that same manner again. Why? Because he doesn't want to get injured again... duh. 'So tell me Kevin, why is it men need to be more vulnerable?'

I'll tell you why. TRUST.

Being vulnerable with your spouse shows you trust them with the unguarded goods of your inner most being. The intimate pieces of yourself that you normally do not expose to others.

Men who have been betrayed by a spouse or a significant other, will absolutely NOT want to go around saying, "Hey look hon, I want to be vulnerable. Let me open up myself so you can see all the gooey stuff in me." But let me tell you, if you have been through an experience like that, and you have found someone you are spending, or contemplating spending, your entire life with, then why not enjoy each other? Ahhhhh.... here comes the rub.

The Rub:
Because we want to be right.
and...
The more intelligent a person is, or the more educated, or the more experienced in debate... (pause for effect), then the more right that person will generally feel... AND, the longer it will be that the individual will resist allowing themselves to be vulnerable. To even for a moment consider that maybe, just... maybe, they might not be as right as they thought they were. <--- notice I didn't say wrong! I would never say you were wrong (that's another blog...). So, NO, it is not easy to just decide to be vulnerable. To be compassionate. To be sensitive. To be, dare I say... TENDER. But you should be. We should be, I should be. Ok, if it's working for you being the Viking in you relationship, then by all means, viking away. But you are missing the best part of a union between two people.

It takes discipline, breaking the mold, and a desire to be more to the one you love, to share a deeper part of yourself with them... especially, if you have a hard time loving, or, question their love for you. But you can either walk around in an unhealthy relationship, or, try to make it better. Yeah, yeah,yeah... I know, easier said than done. And yes, that is true. However, not trying will be doing a disservice to yourself, your relationship, and even your family because you are not being what could potentially be a better you.

Peace.