Looking for Certainty.... is it ever to be found?

The other day I had lunch with a great friend and we had a great conversation.

He is one of the few people that I truly value his insight and his opinion of me. We have been friends for the last six years, and dear friends for the last four or five years.

Our conversation dealt mainly with me and how I have been feeling lately. He sat and listened intently as I spoke and shared my inner feelings about me and life. He would sometimes look intense about what I was saying and gently nod his head. Other times he would smile and or look surprised by what I said. Our conversation started in the car on our way to one of our favorite breakfast places that we have been sharing breakfast's at for many years. It was about a dream I had in the early evening that night. It was a gruesome dream. Anyway, he asked what I thought could have spawned the hellish dream I had just told him about.

After explaining the dream in detail, telling him where I was at in life, how I felt about where I was at in life, in general being very real and expressing raw emotions with him that I had never shared before, he looked at me with questioning eyes and a stern face and said, "You know Kevin, the one thing that drew me to you as a friend many years ago, was that as different as you and I are, we are very much the same. We are amazingly the same in many ways. As many things as you and I have talked about, there are some issues that neither one of us has really shared with each other for obvious reasons. One of those issues for example is..." as my good friend Tom continued to share with me some of the things he and I had never discussed with each other, he explained that "...because you didn't force feelings about issues, that I knew you held such strong beliefs about, in our conversations, I was drawn to be able to share more in depth with you and ultimately it is, what I think, that which has allowed us to become such good friends." He went on to say, "furthermore, and if I may (he was looking at me demonstrating that he wanted to share with me something that was on his heart and would breach the walls of one of the topics he earlier said we stayed away from)..." I said, absolutely Tom, nothing you say is going to offend me, please proceed." "Ok, I will. " he said and then paused. He was looking for the way to say what he wanted to say and at the same time let me know he was saying what he had to say with genuine feeling and he didn't want to hurt my feelings. "Go on", I said.

"Kevin when I first met you one of the things that drew me to you and allowed me to make an opinion of you, if you will, is that you are very black and white about things. You kinda had this perception of grasping things and holding onto them with a certainty about them. Now maybe it is because of your childhood..." I have shared in depth with him about my childhood and the fact that I was never certain who would be in my life. My family went through a long multi family custody battle that split my family into 4 segments. Tom continued, "... that you gravitated to things that had a 'certainty' about them. Your faith, the kind of faith you have. The certainty in which your faith sees things. I have seen you go through the struggling with this in your faith because of what your church went through (my church went through losing our pastor much in the way Haggard was defrocked, but for different reasons). I think you were already dealing with this when I first met you. You were this very black and white person that I have seen struggle with your faith and the perception of what you have believed. You were very real about it and it was obvious you struggled. And I think even now, ... I hope this isn't making you upset?" "No ,no it's not, please continue" I said. "...you struggle with the uncertainty of what you are currently going through." He lowered his voice a little and said in a more compassionate tone, "and I think that's good for you. I think that it's good to have a certain amount of uncertainty."

We sat there for a moment, both inquisitive to where the conversation was going next. All I could think about was that he was right. How do we find certainty in our life? Is it ever truly to be found? Do you think you have certainty in your life?

I used to believe in certainty and I was certain it is existed.
I feel like I just found out Santa Clause doesn't really exist.

The Three Most Important Things... and Football!

I have great friends, a great family, and a great God.

I love having freedom, rather than self imposed shackles of denial and restrictive barriers. I love life! I hate what it brings at times, but I love living. The three most important things in life are God, friends, and family. It has been nice having an equal balance of the three...


A man is judged by his peers whether he likes it or not. Life is more than making a good impression. It is living a good life. Not just before your peers, but before God and to yourself. Ultimately, you have to live with yourself, nobody else has to.

The other three most important things in life are: Football, good imported spirits, and a good woman. Go Bears! Yes to Koenig!

I have the BEST wife!
I enjoy living my life and with those I am living it - - -
-My Wife and family
-My friends
-& my God




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Anastasia

To est pravda (in polish it means its TRUE!!!!!!!)!!! Nothing and noone can make us happy without GOD, family and friends!!!!!!!GOD BLESS YOUR EXTRA (that's what they say in Poland a lot:) SUPER FAMILY!!!

Posted by Anastasia on Saturday, October 28, 2006 at 8:38 AM
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~♥Traycee ♥~

Well said, my friend!!!

Maggie's, Ruebens, Coffee & Donuts... Good Times.

Last night my family spent the evening with a kind hearted, gentle, and compassionate man. We started at my favorite hang out, an Irish pub named Maggie Miley's (everyone knows my name).

Dinner consisted of the finest Rueben known to man, the corned beef truly melts in your mouth, and great conversation that focused mainly on super heroes and catching up with each other. It was good to go to a good place, have good food & spirits, and a good time with my family and good friend.

We then went back to our house where my son had movie night planned out. The first X-Men movie was the movie of choice and was complete with freshly popped popcorn and each persons favorite candy. As we watched "Logan" find his way into the X-Men we continued with good conversation and were later joined by my wife's brother visiting from Michigan. After talk of Michigan he had to say goodnight. He has tickets to the World Series game 2 (tonight) in Detroit and had to leave early the next morning. Our son fell asleep on the floor in front of the fire place and the three of us continued our conversation until 2 in the morning. What a great evening and a good time. Our friend crashed on the couch, rather than the extra bed... done in true bachelor form.

The sun rose and so did we. The men headed to the local Crispy Creme and Star Bucks for donuts and coffee that we brought back home and talked about the day ahead of us all. Our cats will miss our dear friend as much as we will, he showed them much love.

We ate, talked, fellow shipped with each other and prayed with each other. It is good to solidify friendship with true heartfelt prayer.

...not to mention good donuts!

Habits of Communication...

How often do we say things and assume that whom we are speaking to heard what we said. -OR- How often do we say things and assume we said what we thought we said in a way that it could be understood by whom we were speaking to?

Herein is the greatest communication paradox that has faced mankind. Just ask Neil Armstrong.

I have been doing a lot of listening lately... to everyone. I have been noticing that what I thought I heard, what I thought I said, what has been said back to me, what others thought they heard, or what they thought they said, that there have been several times where I or others have said "Oh, I thought you said..." or "That's not what I said..." etc.

I have been as guilty as anyone when it comes to listening, all the while formulating my response before I have heard all that was being said to me. I have also been guilty of prejudging the context or the delivery of what was being said to me.

I have also, in my attempts to be a more attentive listener, found that others do have been guilty of these bad communication habits as well. I then find myself trying to be more specific and setting up topics with pre-definitions of what I would be saying. It is at times like that when I feel I am Kevin Bacon in the movie "He Said, She Said". (A great film by the way.) I guess I am not surprised at the listening skills of most people. I used to, and still do, get so angry with my father at times because he will say something to me and several weeks later tell me that he didn't; or tell me the same thing again. He and I used to bump heads quite often in this regard. I learned to be more patient with him, and try to say something that will be memorable about what we were talking about. That way I can later remind him if he denies having previously had the conversation once before. Herein is a pattern that is best not establish as to habits of communication.


I am finding that many peoples communication skills are the main source to problems they have with co-workers, employees, employers, friends, family, and especially with spouses. Misperceptions, miscommunications, misinterpretations, etc.

I am finding, for me, to be a good communicator, I must first be an excellent listener. I think I have been better in that department.... my wife will be the litmus test I'm sure. We have certainly had our share of communication conundrums. Lately, writing has been the best tool I have found to more accurately find what I have to say. It helps me get thru the jumbled thoughts by displaying them in front of me. Then, if I want to rearrange them, I can.

Crossroads.... take the high road.

As many know, recent events in my life have brought me to many crossroads. These crossroads have been filled with betrayal, deception, confusion, judgement, assumptions and suppositions... to name the negative ones. They have also been filled with unity, love, renewing, refreshment, clarity and truth. The greatest of these being LOVE.

Did you see the movie "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"? The married couple comes to realize they have been living in "a web of lies!" ... as Mr. Smith denotes near the end of the movie. There are assumptions, deception, and betrayal that take place not only with Mr. & Mrs. Smith, but also with the people that THINK they know them.

It totally amazes me how an individual can have such a skewed perception of who they think someone is. Generally, we characteristically assess an individual when we are formulating our impression of that individual. Our time spent with them will allow us to reassess and make a more realistic characterization of that individual based on their lifestyle, communication, and overall interaction with us and others.


I believe in being accountable and accountability to what we do, how we act, etc. I have had job assessments, assessed my own employees, been through management, middle management, and upper level management training. I have been part of small and large group communications. I have had many businesses and currently still have my own company. If someone came to me, which they did, and told me I had a communication problem, I would , and this is exactly what I did, assess my communications with people and seek third party assessment; whether or not I agree with the original criticism. In this instance, the person making the criticism was accurate as to how they perceived my communication with them or around them to another individual. This was not in a professional environment whatsoever. To see if this "pattern" of communication spilled over into other areas of my life, I was gratefully glad to hear from many individuals that this was not their perception at all, as I asked those closest to me to answer with complete honesty. They agreed that I could be direct, overbearing at times, and that I was one of the most passionate and tenacious people they knew.

Of course there are two sides to a coin... WRONG! A coin has three sides. This is the philosophy I bring to most negotiations or discussions involving assessment. The first key to assessing any situation, especially a persons character, is to have third party input into any character assessment. We observe individually and then get the observations of others to balance our assessment. Thus the three sides. Our 'side', their 'side', and the 'side' of others.

This particular individual who thought it was there "duty" or whatever the hell he perceived it as to give their unsolicited opinion; he is a self proclaimed preacher and supposed man of God, has recently been shown (some of these he has confessed to) to be an adulterer/womanizer, liar, and thief. He is a narcissist that was able to hide himself in a cloak of haughtiness, deception, and a false humility that prevented his character from being seen as it truly was. This is a harsh assessment, I agree. However, it is accurate. I don't believe this person ever wanted to be this way. But he showed a different side of himself to different people depending upon who he was around. A year and a half ago I made a decision to let our communication continue only if he initiated it. I was no longer willing to feed his manic ego for being a recovering addict. His addiction was continually being fed by his own desires (it was not a chemical addiction) and all with supposed words of God on his lips.

His college room mates told me that he told them he made a deal with Satan his freshman year of college. This explains alot about his complete lack of character, how he operated in deception and how he did so with no remorse. Recently, Satan came to collect on the barter he made and as a result of his life style, he has lost everything. His very soon to be ex-wife is divorcing him and in her words she is "200% sure she is f___ing divorcing his ass". She is now raising their three children (all under 6) on her own (and thriving and doing wonderfully!). Because of his deceptions, lifestyle, and down right lies, he has lost every friend he had and that is not an overstatement. He has recently threatened the only friend he had left that was communicating with him.


The good news....

The crossroads I have come to have caused me to look inward and to look increasingly upward. I had, have, showed and demonstrated compassion for this person for the 9 years I knew him. That is my character. I did the Word when it came to him and my interaction with him and in light of recent communication with those that were closest to him, I am so incredibly thankful that I know the true meaning of Love. I loved this person until he interfered in my life in the most deceitful way a person can. I know I am a blessed man of God and I let my actions speak louder than professing my faith with my mouth. Ask ANYONE who knows me.

Thank you to the many individuals who have contacted me and encouraged me. Your love is felt in a tremendous way. I have felt a greater unity as a result.

My wife and I have a greater respect for each other and a more loving relationship than we have had in years as we have walked together in dealing with the fallout of this individuals lifestyle.

At any crossroad a person must decide on which road to take. Our lives are a direct result of the paths we have chosen. Our paths will cross many other individuals paths through the journey of life and if we cross a road with another person that adversely affects us, it will be up to us to take the road of love, compassion and honesty.

I could go into quoting a bunch of scripture.... but I won't... I just do what the scripture says.
Ciao.

Nothing....

For once in a month... I have nothing to say... nothing that is formulated in my mind to get out anyway. Have you ever had those moments where everything is all jumbled up? Kind of like a fresh hot pizza with extra cheese and all the toppings on it and it just fell on the floor? Upside Down?



If you try to pick it up, the cheese and toppings become messier the further from the floor.

That's me today. All jumbled up with nothing to say.