Not Giving In to Hate.... but I want to.
I was having a really good day today, and for the most part did. At the last part of the day, I remembered something I had been trying to remember for several weeks, but because of recent events in my life, I wasn't able to bring it to my remembrance. But now, here it is. Crap. What a lousy end to an otherwise good day, and good days have been far in between lately. I know, I know, ... the details. I would love to give them, but I can't. If I did, then I would be doing the opposite of what the title of the particular blog states and I do not want to give in to it.
Wait... I actually do want to give into it. I want so much to. I want to go apeshit for the lack of a better adjective. I frickin (christian cussword) hate the fact that I was naive. That I was betrayed. That I allowed myself to be betrayed. *@*!&@^^&!*
Sorry about the rant.
Ok, I actually feel better getting that out. Things that are seen in hindsight make for a better roadmap than things seen through dim headlighs on a foggy night. I hate fog. I hate metaphors.
Can you tell I am having a moment? I hate having moments.
(10 deep slow breaths) ok. I am choosing. I am getting backon the "Moving Forward" Train.
The thing I was trying to remember triggered other answers to other questions once I remembered what it was I was trying to remember in the first place. Someday I will write a book about all of this, when I have reached the other side and I can put it all behind me. I'll call it "Anger to Compassion: Understanding Betrayal". First, I have to make sense of it all.
Making sense out of having your trust in someone deminished is a task I would never wish upon my worst enemy. It is a roller coaster of emotion that cannot be easily explained. I feel like I sometimes am reliving the same experience because the emotional roller coaster just took me on an unexpected 360 loop and twirl. Ever ridden the BatMan at Six Flags? Today suddenly took me for a ride at the last moment.
Be careful where your trust lies and with whom.
2 comments:
So sorry about how you feel. I think I would rather break bones that go through emotional betrayals. Unfortunately, it is an ugly part of the human condition. I will pray for your healing. Try not to be consumed.
This is Enemy--I just don't feel like going through that beta blogger stuff.
Ugly, yes. Thank you so much for your prayers. I have been praying more myself lately. This was a close friend. Granted, I knew their nature, but some lines you think will never be crossed. As much as I agonize over the what ifs, I pray that they come to realize the full impact of their actions and more importantly come to understand the "why's" behind them.
I purposely am vague because I am not wanting to reveal who the person. At the same time, I want my blog to reveal the impact of their actions.
Thank you for taking an interest in my blog.
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