Fresh Rain.... Fresh Air.... Fresh Start

Today is Monday September 11, 2006

(This is not a Post September 11, 2000 entry)

I am looking out of my 24" x 18" window in my office. The only window by the way, and it is at ground level. My office is in a lower level. As i am peering out, in my wet shorts and underwear from taking my son Zack to school in the torrential downpour this morning, I am looking at the beauty of the post rainfall. The droplets of water hanging on the 20' Blue Spruce, which partially blocks my view of the sky, are slowly dripping from branch, to branch. I had to step back outside to admire the power of the fresh rain. The air smells so fresh after a cooling downpour. The temperature is about 68 degrees. The air feels so good breathing in deep fresh smells. It is invigorating.

That makes me think about recent events in my life that caused this blog to come into existence. The blog was originally entitled "angertocompassion", but the compassion side of me was too strong to keep that bog address. Anyway, as I am pondering the last three weeks and a day in my life. I am feeling freshly watered and enjoying the cool breeze. I feel like it is the first time I have experienced a rainfall upon my face... like taking a much needed shower after the most grueling rugby game.

I am choosing compassion and love and it has enabled me to make a fresh start. I feel cleansed, washed, and renewed. I am seeing more clearly than ever, and feel like I am being seen as the man that has always wanted to step forth.

There are things in life I have chosen to ignore or look past. Some of them needed to be ignored and looked past. Others needed my attention and will continue to need it. The purpose of this blog was for me to vent and hopefully discover who I am. Thus the paradox. I am who you perceive me to be by what I show you. By what I demonstrate to you. If I demonstrate love and compassion, then you perceive me to be loving and compassionate. If I demonstrate frustration or anger to you, then you perceive me to be a frustrated and angry person.

Who I choose to be has as much of an impact on how you perceive me, as do your preconceived ideas of who I am. Who I am 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year may be entirely different than the way you preconceived or perceived me to be: by either your meeting me, or knowing me by my writings. The me that exists every second of every day, must be real and must be true.

As I step onto the wet, thick grass: my carpet of life, I am dedicating my life to being real, being true. Not just true to myself, but true to those who know me. I have keen discernment of those around me. Having come from a childhood filled with deceit and deception, from being a part of it, from exploring the dark side of life in ways many never have, I can discern the intent of most people. In the past, if I discerned something I didn't like, or if I had a hard time accepting what it was I discerned, then I simply withdrew myself from that person. That however, wasn't being real or true to that person or situation. (I want to enjoy the thick grass between my toes, without wondering if I will step onto a sharp object). If I do happen step on another sharp object, I wont simply make a mental note of it's location. I WILL remove it. I will address it's very presence and how it came to be. Consider it tending a garden. Except this is my chosen path in life, my road that I want to be filled with carpets of grass that are soft and at times wet (how else will you keep your feet clean?).

A Fresh Start.
It's not too many times in life when a person is able to experience that.
I am blessed that I can.
I am a blessed man of God.