The 5 that Ran!

Today I was sitting at my desk looking out the large window to my right and I heard the voice of a small child about 100 feet away. He was running as fast as his 2 year old legs could run headed for the park. 5 seconds later, there was another, and then another, and another... 5 in all. Little boys about 2yrs old running for the park. The only thoughts they had were of the park and the fun they were going to have.

They weren't thinking about the bills, the work, the house, the cars, the family, the relationship with the spouse, the friend that needs help, the volunteer work that still needed to be done... they were thinking, "I'm gonna make it, I am finally here, The Park!, Fun, move legs move..."

That made me think about my own son, when he was 2, and what I missed when I was working my ass off to make a startup business work and the sacrifices I had to make: Not being home, working weekends, family time... it made me think of how much I miss my little boy still being little without a care in the world. Thinking of him brings me joy and sadness. I want to see him discover, hear his thoughts, feel his pain, experience his joy. I don't want to live through him, I want to help him discover and not be afraid to learn from him as much as he learns from me.

Those 5 little boys spread out all running for the park also reminded me of when I was in kindergarten. We would try and catch honey bees on the dandelions after school... not knowing any better. My classmates were getting stung all the time and it seemed ok... we would also try to catch the little yellow butterflies... then the horn would honk, you'd hear your name, and off you went. Time to go home.

How many things in life do we take for granted trying to make strides in one area while losing them in others? For me, I was working to build a business that would take care of my family, leave a legacy, bring financial stability, and leave behind something my children would be able keep as an asset. I thought I was doing the manly thing. The right thing. The best thing. I thought I was doing what was best for the family.

I thought.

(Which reminds me. One of my football coaches, who is now in the Illinois High School Football Coaches Hall of Fame, Dick Tharp, once told me "think about what you are doing out there!" and 10 seconds later asked, "What are you doing?" My reply was... "I thought..." and he cut me off and told me "don't think, react!" That's another whole train of thought right there.)

Too many times people react without thinking! Some situations call for a quick response time... response time that doesn't allow for time to think. Just Do!

So where I am going with these thoughts? That's a question I am asking myself as well. I am trying to feel like I haven't wasted time building a business, when I should have been building borders around my family. I am trying to feel like I don't need to make up for the lost time. I am trying to sort my thoughts and come to an understanding of my actions, beliefs, things I have said, and my feelings. I think I am becoming more Zen like with age, yet... I fear, I am a pessimistic Zen, when I really want to be an optimistic believer in destiny. Is it the NOW or is it the LIFE that one should live for, and does living for one mean you can't or shouldn't live for the other?

Is the NOW more important than ones legacy or the future? Is the legacy more important than living for the now? Can those two philosophy's be blended? Can we live for the now and balance that with who we are, what we believe, what we want, where we're headed, and with the destiny that is yet undiscovered before us?

That first little boy was so determined to get to the playground. It took him over a minute of running as fast as he could to reach it. I am 5 times taller than he and it would have been a long run for me from my window to the park. The last time I ran as fast as I could for a minute was the last time I competitively ran the 400 meter dash... and I puked when I finished. The whole time I was thinking, "I hope I make it", "This run sucks", "I am never running this again", "Hey, I am in first!... no wait, everyone is starting to pass me... Hey, how did I finish last?!"

Five of them. There were five of them. Running. Smiling. Looking at their feet. Wishing them to move faster. And they inspired me. They inspire me to live and to learn and to run and to look where my feet are landing. They inspire me to be young, carefree, and not worry about what's around me... just where I am headed.

The 5 of them ran...

...and then???

They played!