Allowing yourself to be Vulnerable.... Easy? NO!

Tough question.... perhaps a bit tougher for men to do, then to answer. To be vulnerable, may at first glimpse, seem to make a man appear feminine. It may even make a man appear to be anything, except a man. To most men, the definition of being 'Man', is being the boss, the king of the household, THE decision maker, 'the buck stops here' guy, or the ' I bagged so-and-so ' last week asshole. Men, for the most part, will say they don't give into peer pressure. I, am one of those who really doesn't. Ask anyone who knows me. Some call me stubborn, tenacious, the 'have to have it his way' guy, etc. In reality, if a man buys into the definition of a man that is listed above, then he is simply a subject of peer pressure, and... ignorant.

I know what some of are thinking right now. The guy writing this is gay. He must be..., because c'mon... what man talks about being vulnerable and DOESN'T agree with the definition of what a man is above? If he isn't gay, then he is just saying it to get the chicks to think he is a sensitive guy... ...whatever... get over yourselves men and take a long hard (no not reference to your male anatomy) look at yourselves.

Sorry, I am not gay and that is not the point. As many times as men have hit on me, one might think I was. The reality, is that I am a heterosexual male, with no homosexual preference. The real point here (again no reference to the male anatomy) is that to build a real relationship in your marriage, with God, or to be a true friend to someone, means that men need to open themselves up more. The single most important, and quite frankly the most difficult, thing to do for a man with his wife, is to be Vulnerable.

So... why is that you ask?

First, let us look at the definition of 'Vulnerable':
definition: capable of receiving injuries

Are you serious Clark? Yes I am Lois.

The first thing men want to do when around other men, or women, is to beat our chests and show that we are in fact invulnerable. It is a sign of strength and of manliness. Right?

Certainly it is wise not to be vulnerable as a motto at all times. It is even more wise, to know when to be vulnerable. When to take off the armor and expose yourself. It is one of the most intimate things a man can do with a woman, and will strengthen the bonds of friendship with a true friend.

A man who can be vulnerable with his wife will show her compassion, enable her to be virtuous, share himself in ways he cannot share himself with anyone else. Yes, it is true that by doing so, a man will be exposing himself (no nudity yet men) and showing his weaknesses, strengths, smiles, and, yes, tears. He will be doing the very thing, that as a man, he has been trained his entire life not to do or to be, and that is... being sensitive. The world has men trained to believe that if you are sensitive, and male, then by conclusion, you must be gay. I am not saying that all gay men are sensitive and I am not making this about the homosexual or lesbian community. I am talking about a man being true to himself and to his wife. To his family, if he has one.

Now. I am a christian, not ashamed of it, and not stating anything about it beyond that it is my faith. So, yes, it does influence me and who I am. In fact, it is because of my faith, that I am who I am. A man who is in battle and has been wounded, either through his armor, under it, or in an unarmored location, does not typically then expose himself in that same manner again. Why? Because he doesn't want to get injured again... duh. 'So tell me Kevin, why is it men need to be more vulnerable?'

I'll tell you why. TRUST.

Being vulnerable with your spouse shows you trust them with the unguarded goods of your inner most being. The intimate pieces of yourself that you normally do not expose to others.

Men who have been betrayed by a spouse or a significant other, will absolutely NOT want to go around saying, "Hey look hon, I want to be vulnerable. Let me open up myself so you can see all the gooey stuff in me." But let me tell you, if you have been through an experience like that, and you have found someone you are spending, or contemplating spending, your entire life with, then why not enjoy each other? Ahhhhh.... here comes the rub.

The Rub:
Because we want to be right.
and...
The more intelligent a person is, or the more educated, or the more experienced in debate... (pause for effect), then the more right that person will generally feel... AND, the longer it will be that the individual will resist allowing themselves to be vulnerable. To even for a moment consider that maybe, just... maybe, they might not be as right as they thought they were. <--- notice I didn't say wrong! I would never say you were wrong (that's another blog...). So, NO, it is not easy to just decide to be vulnerable. To be compassionate. To be sensitive. To be, dare I say... TENDER. But you should be. We should be, I should be. Ok, if it's working for you being the Viking in you relationship, then by all means, viking away. But you are missing the best part of a union between two people.

It takes discipline, breaking the mold, and a desire to be more to the one you love, to share a deeper part of yourself with them... especially, if you have a hard time loving, or, question their love for you. But you can either walk around in an unhealthy relationship, or, try to make it better. Yeah, yeah,yeah... I know, easier said than done. And yes, that is true. However, not trying will be doing a disservice to yourself, your relationship, and even your family because you are not being what could potentially be a better you.

Peace.