Truth or Consequences
Those who have a hard time telling the truth, think they are doing others a service while feeding their own selfish ego -or- are simply deceptive in nature.
Tell the truth, or face the consequences.
What are the consequences? They are the results of the non-truths that lead to other non-truths to keep the original non-truths from being revealed; because that would be pretty embarrasing and would not feed ones own narcissism or deceptive nature. The consequences of not being able to tell the truth, of being transparent with your closest friends or family, can be simple deception (of which your conscience will slowly be eaten away at) or they can be dire. You risk your own character when you cover the truth, even if it is a white lie, "They'll never know the difference" or "What they don't know won't hurt them". What do you have to lose with being transparent or honest?
I recognize that not all situations are the same. In a corporate or small office environment, it would probably warrant a more guarded version of being totally transparent. Offer it if it is asked, or tell it like it is. Keeping your inner being guarded from the talons of the unscrupoulous.
Within your "safe" zones (those of your close friends, family, significant other) it is of the utmost importance to make sure you have established the "safe" zone with whom you are sharing it with. I am not saying be honest only if those around you are going to be honest, i am saying to be honest in letting those know you are around of your character and what you expect. Keep yourself and those you share with accountable. Trust is a sticky thing. People can forge "trust" with another that is birthed out of deception. Is that really trust? or is it a byproduct of a flaw in ones character to seek trust while deceiving another? Trust is usually mutually expected. In general, most people have a higher expectation of others than for themselves when trust is the issue. I have found great strength, and even power, in keeping trust sacred.
If you have been following my blog, you've noticed some common threads. Yes, I have had some recent events that have caused me to start writing again. These events were spawned out of betrayal to friendship, trust, and respect. Trust and respect are two things almost everyone wants and demands out of anyone they call a friend. I was thoroughly betrayed by someone who called me friend. They showed me the ultimate in disrespect, all the while saying they were protecting me. Protecting me from what? From the truth? there lays the rub. Lie to protect from the truth. Lie to get what one wants. It is either for protection, for selfishness, or for power that one chooses to not tell the truth.
Consequences. In my case, consequences have been dire for all involved. A jar to the system. So far, I don't know of anyone I have ever allowed to befriend me, that has caused so much damage to so many people over such a long period of time as the individual I am speaking of. All the while crying "weakness" & "addiction". Anyone who has ever overcome an addiction, and any addict will tell you this, never did it by themselves or by not being held accountable. You are now being held accountable by all who know you. Others involved are now being held accountable.
Accountablility... there is one for another day.
6 comments:
Wow, Kevin. Good post. I recently had a discussion/argument with members of my church who hurt me. They said to me: "We are sinners." I got upset and said: "Don't quote Christian common denominators to me. Being a sinner still doesn't excuse you from the sin. Acknowledge the sin; don't tell me your general state." It really angered me, because it sounded like a copout. There are many reasons we sin---however; I agree that the consequences have to be borne. I've had to do it time and time again. It's called being an adult. Good post.
Enemy again, just too tired to type in my name.
Thanks EOR,
I really hadn't thought of it in regards to sin. I was writing out of my own personal experience. But, yes... I agree, it is totally about being an adult. Thank you again.
I'll put another notch in my belt.
Kevin
Sarah, her best friend and I had quite a debate the other night that was spawned from a situation we encountered. We were sitting at the table eating when we realized that an intervention had begun for an abused dog that we love next door. This dog's owners as well as neighbors in three directions of us are rough around the edges, don't trust anyone, shifty, etc. etc but we've developed at least surface-level relationships with them. We have cared about the dog perhaps more than them (that's a confession as much as a statement!). Anyway, we realized that the dog's savior was in the process of freeing him and the debate that ensued was about what each of us would say if directly asked about the situation. I was taking the black and white "I would tell them everything I know" stance while Sarah and Sheila were thinking more about Sarah's safety, being willing to skirt the truth, omit details or giving half-truths. It was probably the most heated debate the three of us have ever had but it was good for us.
I bring all of this up to ask you if there are situations in which it is acceptable or even preferable to tell those white lies. Also, where is the line between half-truths and omitting details and lying?
{I'm not at all saying that the lies you've encountered in your recent drama may have been appropriate. Not at all!}
JRob:
(chuckling to myself)
What do we have to lose by telling those "white lies"? If it is our safety, by all means lie through your teeth!! LOL... however, if it is simply bypass or skirt the larger issue or to "not get into it", then I think those are the greater issues.
As you can imagine, knowing the "full drama" in my life, there have been many opportunities to skirt the issues. I have been totally frank, and if the answer isn't appreciated or liked, it opens the door for conversation... which, by the way, is why most people ask the question in the first place.
A couple of scenarios:
Your wife asks, "Does this make me look fat?"
-or-
"She is pretty isn't she?"
How do you answer? I know, I know.. your needing to get into the car and get going, and if it does make her look fat, she is going to want to change. Thus, not being able to leave when you want AND now she thinks you thnk she is fat. A conundrum.
First of all... Your wife isn't fat.
For the sake of protecting ones echo, whether ours or someone else's, I think we all skirt the truth or omit details at times. The question is whether it is acceptable or preferrable. MY answer: Does God skirt the truth with us? Does He omit portions of the truth to earn our love? In striving to be Christ like, we should tell the truth, and it should be done with tenderness. However, if you fear for your safety from a neighbor, do what's best for your protection. Hell, if you have to lie to the guy trying to free the animal, and the animal doesn't get freed... then shott the poor animal in the head while he is sleeping and put him out of his misery... c'mon, I'm not serious.
I think we should strive not to tell those white lies and look at our motives for not telling the whole truth when those things happen.
Great questions... but I'll tell you the same thing I told my wife... and in the same manner:
I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!
Good points Kevin! I appreciate the banter. You sure you don't have all the answeres?! I'm not. ;-)
OMG...
Maybe I do have all the answers. My wife recently said she wasn't sure if I didn't have them all either. Apparently I have been full of answers lately. I thought I was just full of thoughts, which is why I have been trying to write them down.
Am I more wise than I thought?
(you know I'm not serious about that... )
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