So, you still want to be my friend?

The title reflects a recent question I posed to someone who thought he was being my friend. To many of you, you know of whom I speak and I don't doubt you have asked similar questions. Friendship, true friendship, is the most important thing in a person’s character; just after truth, honesty, integrity, and compassion. Without these five characteristics being part of a person’s entire makeup of character, their ability to be a true friend is greatly diminished and could at best be accepted as a person with good intentions. Actions will always speak louder than words. Actions are the direct result of who we are and we can best demonstrate who we are by keeping our mouths shut and letting our actions show our intentions.


Here is a scenario: No Need
You are on an island with 9 other people, you all have everything you need to make you happy, you don't need the cooperation or the help from any of the 9 other people.


Each of you speaks a different language with no common linguistic characteristics or signs. If they or you desire the company of the other, you will have to demonstrate your willingness to want to be a friend.

Then through the intimacy of learning about the other, can you develop your own understanding of each other. There is no reason to want anything other than friendship from the other.




Here is a second scenario: They have what I want/need
You are on an island with 9 other people, you all see things you need and want in the 9 others to make you happy.

Each of you speaks a different language with no common linguistic characteristics or signs. If they or you desire the company of the other, you will have to demonstrate your willingness to want to be a friend.

Then through the intimacy of learning about the other, can you develop your own understanding of each other. How do you determine that the intensions are true?

One of the others of the group befriends you. Shares with you some of the most intimate items he has. You develop a trust with him; all the while he is stealing, talking about, and lying to the others he has befriended. But he tells you he is not doing those things with you. In fact, he says he needs you to help him remain accountable for not doing those things to anyone else.

What do you do? (for the sake of this scenario, you choose to help...)

You put yourself on the line for wanting to be an example, an ensample, a hope that you can be. He tells you that you are making a difference. Then one of the other nine comes to you and tells you something he has recently done. Now you are invested and feel more compelled to help, you also feel that your belongings may be at risk because of his behavior. You try to protect your belongings, but leave them visible as not to show any lack of trust.

And then... you are just another victim in a long line of victims.
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So you confront, you are totally, brutally honest with this person as to what they have done, who they have done it to, how it makes you feel, what it is perceived as. And they lie to you about how they don't care.

A few moments later, they tell you they do not want your friendship to end. Your response?

Mine was to say, "Are you serious?". The answer, "yes I am.". My response, "then don't tell me you don't care, don't continue to lie to manipulate". "You're right, I do care." I was stunned and had to pause while silence filled the phone. This person had made plans to take my most precious possession, had been working behind he scenes to figure out if it could work, would it be worth it, would anyone who would know tell me. And he only tells me he is sorry after I have confronted him and then confronted the new lies he had just told me. Hardly heart felt.

So, you still want to be my friend? Wow... how deceived and naive this person is to think anything less than a true heartfelt apology should have been the first thing delivered when given the opportunity.


So, you still want to be my friend? Well, you go live on your part of the island, leave everyone and their possessions alone. Live a life that is true, honest, open, transparent, and filled with integrity and then, maybe, you will become a friend again. Though I forgive, I will not be ignorant of your ways.

(EDITED)